Relationships thrive when both partners put effort into understanding, supporting, and growing with each other. It’s not a one-sided process—both people must be willing to invest in the connection. In this article, we’ll focus on how men can show up better in relationships. Why the focus on men? Studies reveal that men often lag behind in developing certain relationship skills, which can deeply impact the success of a partnership. By working on these areas with Couples counseling in NYC, men can build deeper, healthier connections that last.
Here are three crucial skills that can transform relationships for the better:
1. Accepting Influence
One key to a strong relationship is being open to your partner’s thoughts and ideas. As relationship expert John Gottman puts it, “accepting influence” means taking your partner’s perspective seriously, recognizing their insights, and being open to learning from them.
Imagine saying to your partner, “That’s a great point. I hadn’t thought of it that way before.” It shows respect for their thoughts and encourages collaboration. Yet, research shows that many men struggle with this skill, often due to societal pressures or personal insecurities.
Why Some Men Resist Accepting Influence
- Cultural Expectations: Traditional ideas about masculinity often promote being a “strong leader” who doesn’t need input from others.
- Fear of Vulnerability: Accepting another’s perspective can feel like exposing a weakness, which may seem uncomfortable or unsafe.
- Low Confidence: Some men may feel that admitting they don’t know everything diminishes their worth.
By recognizing these patterns, men can take steps to become more open to their partner’s ideas. Collaboration can ease the pressure of “having all the answers” and make relationships feel more like a team effort.
2. Developing Emotional Intelligence
Being an emotionally intelligent partner makes everything in relationships easier, including accepting influence. Emotionally intelligent partners know that emotions offer valuable information about ourselves, our partners, and our relationships. Men are often socialized to value IQ over EQ during their development. But EQ is the key to developing resilient relationships that can survive life’s ups and downs. Emotionally intelligent men are attentive to their partner’s emotional life because they know emotions that are dismissed do not resolve themselves and disappear. Ignoring or minimizing the importance of the emotions at play in your relationship is a recipe for creating disconnection in your relationship and eroding trust. Taking on difficult conversations and processing emotions as they arise goes a long way to preventing resentment and bigger conflicts down the road.
Challenging yourself to be a more active listener, to offer more empathetic attention, and to tune into your own emotional life so you can articulate it to your partner are all skills that can be learned through practice. Seeking out a supportive therapist for men can also be a way to accelerate your EQ growth. The benefits go beyond your romantic partnerships as well to your friendships, family relationships, and even your career.
How to Boost Emotional Intelligence:
- Be Present: Pay close attention when your partner shares their feelings. Try not to judge or solve the problem immediately—sometimes they just need you to listen.
- Practice Empathy: Try to see things from your partner’s perspective. Ask yourself, “How would I feel in their position?”
- Seek Support: Therapy can be a great way to build emotional awareness and improve communication. Many therapists specialize in helping men grow emotionally, which can positively impact not just romantic relationships but friendships, family bonds, and professional life too.
The effort to strengthen emotional intelligence pays off in every area of life, fostering more meaningful connections with others.
3. Communicating About Everything
Communication is often called the backbone of any relationship—and for good reason. To build a strong connection, both partners need to talk openly about their feelings, needs, and goals. Without this, misunderstandings and resentment can build over time.
Topics to Discuss Regularly:
- Future Plans: Talk about your shared hopes and goals, such as career moves, living arrangements, or starting a family.
- Finances: Discuss how you handle money, from saving and spending to long-term investments.
- Personal Growth: Share what you’re working on personally and professionally, and ask about your partner’s aspirations.
The more you open up, the more emotionally intimate your relationship becomes. And don’t shy away from tough topics like gender roles. Discussing expectations for who does what in the relationship ensures both partners feel valued and heard.
Why Talking About Gender Roles Matters
Many couples have deeply ingrained beliefs about gender roles, often shaped by their upbringing or culture. These expectations can sometimes create tension or misunderstandings. The key isn’t necessarily to follow or reject traditional roles—it’s to agree on roles that work for both partners.
For instance, one couple may decide to divide household responsibilities equally, while another might prefer a more traditional setup. What matters most is that both people feel good about their contributions and that they’re aligned in their expectations.
Building Stronger Connections Takes Work
Relationships are never effortless—they require ongoing care and attention. But by working on skills like accepting influence, emotional intelligence, and open communication, men can show up more fully in their partnerships. While it can be uncomfortable at first to embrace vulnerability and new habits, the rewards are worth it.
In couples therapy, men often learn how to lean into these skills, creating deeper trust and satisfaction in their relationships. Whether you’re dealing with specific challenges or just looking to grow, therapy offers tools and support to help you become the partner you want to be.
Ready to Strengthen Your Relationship?
If you’re in New York City and want to take your relationship skills to the next level, therapy can be a great place to start. At ATD Therapy, we specialize in helping men improve their relationships and mental health through targeted, supportive therapy.
Here’s how to get started:
- Contact us for a consultation.
- Schedule your first session with a therapist who understands your goals.
- Begin your journey toward healthier relationships and personal growth.
Additional Therapy Services We Offer
Beyond therapy for men, we provide a range of services, including:
- Couples counseling
- Support for anxiety, depression, and life transitions
- Help for postpartum depression
- Building self-esteem
Taking the first step can feel daunting, but the benefits of improving your relationships and emotional well-being are worth it. Whether it’s through therapy or personal reflection, investing in your growth helps you build stronger, more fulfilling connections.